Now at the time I was living in NYC and considered myself a healthy person. I even began yoga alongside my diagnosis, was an avid gym-bunny and ate well but there was more for me to do to really clean house. Now “those fingers” were pointing back at me demanding I get to work — the “real” work. I quickly shifted by letting go of various pollutants — smoking (anything), drinking alcohol, eating junk foods, red meat and refined sugars. I began to listen to my body, asking questions to discover what healing was in health food stores and healing centers. Overall, I do pretty well with change but mostly when it’s by my choosing. Now, I was being influenced to change the habits of what was no longer helping me and was afraid of what would be uncovered. When change comes from another source we resist the unknown and hold on to what might even be bad for us just for the mere comfort of it. This was a huge part of my learning to accept this diagnosis, change my way of fighting for life and open to the
By looking inside with an honest eye I saw how I built an outer persona to cover up a past that was ailing me. Ironically, I was wearing $5000 designer outfits to hide what was essentially crumbling inside home depot health check . Just think of building a mansion on a swap — not a good idea. After changing my eating habits then I took my internal inventory. Here I brushed up against gnarly feelings of being unworthy, depressed, a failure and felt totally alone. I could say the “dis-ease” caught up to me but really it stood in front of me guiding me to change my life direction; a perfect crossroads met with great resistance that led to powerful openings. I was blessed to be a seeker and find others who could help me to take steps leading me to where I am today. It took every bit of my being to stay strong and learn what I had to let go of without losing myself to this “diagnosis”. I was working on this new project called Me. There was another monumental gift to gain, which was an intimate relationship with my greatest enemy — myself. For many of us we loose touch with the best friend we have inside and focus on feeding the enemy that lives within and without realizing it.
Each day I am still amazed to see that my diagnosis of MS has offered me numerous gifts, teachings and blessings in every area of my life. Back in the doctor’s office, where my life shifted when I roared NO, I learned a powerful teaching that I always have a choice. My choice to be involved with my process of healing was going to take more than doctors, medicine and relying on the world outside of me. What brought me even closer to myself were teachers that showed up in many forms — self-help books, healers, yoga teachers, meditation and life itself being the greatest of them all.
I found my home in this “new” world that co-existed with modern medicine. And it never made much sense to me then why they functioned more like parallel universes. It was powerful for me to learn that our thoughts are food and that they have a direct effect on the state of our health. For me Health means more than the food we eat, it contains everything including our thoughts, environment, lifestyle, and relationships. The list keeps growing and ultimately brings us back to the question, What are you working on? And the answer is still — ME!
Take time to get quiet, even better find time in nature. Then meditate on the questions to see what comes up for you and trust it.
1. What are your fingers pointing back for you to look more deeply at? Are you able to detect your call to action?
2. What do you feel you could do better to heal more in your life now? Are you ready to make the change before you feel pushed to make it? What can you let go of?
3. Are you ignoring a part of yourself that is crying to help by piling more stuff on it??? Are you ready to commit to look inside accepting what you see and then promise to take action every day to assist in your healing process?
Hillary Rubin has been a motivated leader in the health and wellness industry for years, lecturing on a range of topics dealing with empowering modalities for optimal health and teaching yoga. She has been featured on Fit TV, Lime.com, YogaJournal.com, LA Yoga, Yoga Mates, Conscious Choice Magazine, Yoga Peeps, and iyogalife.com.